A typical Amazon review usually discusses the product in
term of the experience the owner had with the product. A reviewer rates the
product depending on the positives and negatives of the experience with the
product. This amazon review though has quite a story to bring possible customers
into the context of an actual customer’s experience with the product. The
intended audience though about the same as any other audience expected. This
reviewer appeals to people interested in this milk product. The only difference
highlights the fact that typical people prefer reviews that are concise and to
the point, yet there are people who will read the entire review for the sake of
the experience and story.
The entire review starts as a story, “after a long hard week
full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a
smile.” The dramatic facet of the review comes from the climax of the story as
written,” Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every
Friday for the rest of my life.” All of the drama pours out in the second half
of the “review” then ends with a sad ending to the experience as signaled by,
“That’s when I knew it was over.” The review showcases a dramatic
anecdote for entertainment, but informative under certain circumstances. It
doesn’t fit a traditional amazon review as it’s a story for entertaining. The
review doesn’t really act as a review, but it can be still interpreted as one
by certain individuals.
https://www.amazon.com/review/RKT07YYORZMZE/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B00032G1S0&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=16310101&store=grocery
In terms of revision, I don't see large-scale improvement from the original post to this iteration. I still notice a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasing choices, and you could still do a better job of explaining why you chose those specific quotes as evidence. You need to explain why and how they are relevant.
ReplyDeleteGrade: Check minus
If you would like to revise this post a second time, I would recommend visiting the Writing Center! I could then assign a grade to the do-over which would replace the current "Check minus" grade.
Delete